Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

All cultures are not equal #2


07/09/2012  TheWashington Post



When I arrived in Maradi, a sleepy town in southern Niger, I knew immediately that it would be difficult to find victims of forced child marriages. This region has one of the highest rates of such unions in the world, but efforts by the government to curb them had driven the centuries-old practice underground. Parents had become reluctant to publicize child marriages, fearing they could face a jail sentence.

When I spoke with the head government child protection officer in Maradi, she informed me that she had heard of only one recent case: a 12-year-old girl who jumped inside a well and severely injured herself after learning that her parents was going to marry her to a much older man.

The family lived in a village about a two-hour drive away. But when we reached there, the girl said she was 17, and her parents and tribal elders claimed she jumped into the well because she was mentally ill. It was a dead end. So we drove back to Maradi.

But I knew that the practice was so widespread, that if I spoke with enough people, knocked on enough doors, I would find cases. I enlisted the help of local agencies working with abused children, the child protection officer of the United Nations Children’s Fund, and visited the regional hospital. Over the next four days, we managed to find the girls who are portrayed in today’s story.

Balki Souley is one of the 25,000 girls under the age of 18 who are married every day worldwide. According to the Thomson Reuters service TrustLaw, the top 10 worst countries for child marriage, by percentage of women 20-24 years old who are married before they reach 18, are:

1. Niger, 75 percent

2. Chad, 72 percent

3. Mali, 71 percent

4. Bangladesh, 66 percent

5. Guinea, 63 percent

6. Central African Republic, 61 percent

7. Mozambique, 52 percent

8. Nepal, 51 percent

9. Malawi, 50 percent

10. Ethi­o­pia, 49 percent


All cultures are not created equal.

Niger leads world in childhood marriage

Nearly three-quarters of Nigerian girls are married by age 18. Of the 10 countries with the highest rates of childhood marriage, eight are in Africa. Niger, with a population of more than 17 million, is one of the world's fastest growing nations. Read related article.

Niger leads world in childhood marriage
Sources: Population Reference Bureau; United Nations World Population Prospects, 2011. The Washington Post.Published on July 9, 2012, 8:32 p.m.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Honor Killings: Pakistan is Rife with the murder of innocents.

Barbarism.  Animals.  Yet animals are not so unkind.  For people to speak of honor ... who have neither honor nor humanity, bespeaks a great deal ab out these cretins.  But, on the other hand - for anyone to be so naive as to believe such things do not happen and all will be well ... they walked into it, and Darwin sorted them out.





A Scottish businessman and his American wife were shot dead in the street in a suspected honour killing while on holiday in Pakistan, it has emerged.

3:45PM GMT 24 Nov 2011



Saif Rehman, 31, from Glasgow, and his wife 30 year-old wife Uzma Naurin, who is from New York, were gunned down while on a shopping trip in Gujrat earlier this month.

Reports say their car was ambushed by four men and Mr Rehman was killed instantly before Mrs Naurin was taken away with the group. Her body was found a few hours later dumped in nearby bushes on November 1.

It is believed the couple were accompanied by a driver, Mr Rehman’s sister and her two-year-old daughter.

The other passengers are thought to have escaped unharmed.

Pakistani police are investigating claims of "tension" between the couple’s parents over their marriage three years ago.

They were married in Manchester before a more elaborate ceremony, involving both sides of the family, occured in Glasgow in June.

Attendees of the wedding reported that it appeared that the differences might have been resolved.

The couple's friend, Saif Ali, from Cumbernauld, North Lanarkshire, said they were in the country for a family wedding and were returning from a shopping trip when they were killed.

''They were going back home and basically, all of a sudden, the driver just stopped the car," he said.

''Four people were in a different car which stopped in front of them.

''They pulled Saif and his sister and his wife out of the car and as soon as he was pulled out of the car, they shot him without saying anything.''

Mr Ali added: ''Five minutes up the road they basically killed her (Uzma Naurin) as well.

''She wasn't found until quite a bit of time later.

''Probably about three or four hours later she was found as they had basically put her in the shrubs somewhere, just on the side of the road.''

Police in the Punjab region of Pakistan are understood to be investigating whether the couple, who reportedly married in Glasgow in February, were the victims of an ''honour killing''. They are said to be treating their deaths as a targeted attack.

Mr Ali told the BBC that Mr Rehman's sister and niece were in the same car as the couple, but were not killed after being asked to identify themselves. It is also reported that nothing was stolen from the vehicle.

Mr Ali, 30, of Cumbernauld, Dunbartonshire, owns a mobile phone repair company, met Mr Rehman – who operates a similar firm called GSM Communications in Glasgow – three years ago.

The Foreign Office is not involved in the case as Mr Rehman was a Pakistani national and Mrs Naurin was a US citizen.











islam

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Marriage is Best ?

She offers a unique perspective.




By Carey Goldberg , Special to CNN
2011-12-21
 

Editor's note: Carey Goldberg is the co-host of WBUR's CommonHealth blog. With Beth Jones and Pamela Ferdinand, she is the co-author of "Three Wishes: A True Story of Good Friends, Crushing Heartbreak and Astonishing Luck on our Way to Love and Motherhood," which comes out in paperback next month from Little, Brown.

(CNN) -- A couple of years ago, my daughter and I were playing the classic board game "Life," and her little car reached the roadblock at which everybody -- absolutely everybody -- gets married.

Needless to say, given a new set of striking statistics last week that showed a record low of 51% of American adults are married, "Life" was designed many decades ago. The study by the Pew Research Center further found that 40% of births these days are to unmarried mothers, and a similar percentage of Americans say marriage is becoming obsolete.

My daughter Liliana, who was 8 when we were playing the board game, tossed off this remark as she stuck the tiny blue husband pin into her car: "When I grow up, I don't think I'll get married. I think I'll just get some sperm."

How we reap what we sow! Liliana was old enough to know the story of her own origins, and it goes like this: When I turned 39, still single, I resolved to become a mother on my own and bought eight vials of donor sperm. But then I met her father, Sprax, and he agreed to help me have a baby the old-fashioned way. We went through many ups and downs, even splitting up for a couple of years, but finally realized that we loved each other, got back together and went on to have her baby brother. When Liliana was almost 4, we got married.

So there I was -- the former single mother by choice, the typical Massachusetts type who deeply believes that there are a hundred great ways to make a family and that life can also be wonderful without one -- and I found myself responding to my daughter: "That would be fine if you just get some sperm, sweetheart, but you know, being married is actually really nice, too."

What happened to me? What happened to the independent woman who, by the time she married for the first time at age 44, felt no particular need for a piece of paper from City Hall?

It is this. Day in and out, through lunch-packing and play date-making and bath-running, I am struck by a surprising truth: Though the raising of our children constitutes the central activity of our family, it is the love between Sprax and me that constitutes its ineffable core.

That sounds like a traditional religious point of view, but we are not religious. I've come to this understanding simply as an observer of my own heart and the family dance. It is, apparently, just an emotional fact of life -- at least, of our life.

What baffles me is that I was perfectly able to have Liliana without being in a committed, loving relationship with Sprax, and our semi-family life was really quite happy in that formation. We all got along; Sprax would visit two or three times a week; Liliana got plenty of love and structure.

But since he and I reunited, our bond has become the family's invisible center, the axis of its spokes. I did not need a husband. But I need him.

LZ Granderson: Love and marriage are not the same thing

So fine, but what difference do the formal "bonds of matrimony" make? Usually you hear people talk about commitment, but I can't imagine any greater commitment than sharing children who are still going to need raising for quite a few years.

No, what marriage means to me is acceptance, an "absolute yes" that makes it bearable to be seen at your worst -- exhausted or flu-ridden or carried away by an ugly bout of selfishness. That "yes" launches the creation of an entity, a union, that exists apart from the daily ebb and flow of difficulties and joys. It is nothing but an abstraction, but, to my amazement, it is the most beautiful thing in our lives.

So this is my marital equivalent of "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus":

"Yes, Liliana, you can definitely stay single and you'll have loads of company. You by no means have to get married. You can definitely have a fabulous life without marriage, and it would certainly be a huge mistake to rush into anything.

"But I cannot lie: I wish you all that is best in life, and marriage, when it's good, can be one of those things. And if you do get married, at your wedding I'll cry tears of joy -- because I'll know that you're about to enter the gates of one of the most magical places in the world."









marriage

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Divorce - Say it three times and you won't be at home


e-Divorces are a quarter of all marriage annulments in Dubai


Experts differ on legitimacy of divorce by e-mail or SMS



Staff Published
Sunday, July 03, 2011

Dubai recorded 555 divorce cases among its Muslim population in 2010 and 150 of them were done by e-mail of mobile phone text messages.

While some experts consider a divorce through such means is legal, others believe it is not legitimate or final under Islamic law on the grounds spouses could fake such a divorce for some reasons.

Under Islamic law, a Muslim man can divorce his wife by just saying “your are divorced” three times but a woman cannot do the same.

“Dubai had 555 divorce cases in 2010, including 150 divorces through electronic means such as mobile phone texts,” the Arabic language daily 'Emarat Al Youm' said, citing figures by the Dubai family consultative council.

It quoted Mohammed Abdul Rahman, head of the personal affairs division at Dubai’s courts, as saying e-divorces are legal but must be proved at court.

“The wife files a divorce case at court after she receives the divorce message while the court has to verify this by asking the husband,” he said.

But the paper quoted Dubai-based lawyer Rashid Tahluk as saying divorces by e-mail or mobile phone text should not be considered as final.

“Marriage is usually carried out by an Islamic contract and Maazoun (authorised person) and this means divorce should be carried out in the same way….I believe a divorce by e-mail or mobile text is doubtful and not a real divorce.”

Tahluk said a husband could deny that he had sent a mobile phone text divorcing his wife, adding that the court must not base its judgment on forensic results.

“The police laboratory can not prove that the husband himself pressed the button and sent a divorce text to his wife…it could his wife or a second or a third wife who sends a divorce text…e-mails also can be easily hacked and penetrated.”

The paper quoted another lawyer as saying he believes an e-divorce is enough for a husband to divorce his wife.

“In case a husband sends a message to his wife saying ‘you are divorced’ then these are clear and straight words that the man has divorced his wife…in such a case, the divorce is done and the court should support it.”














Islamic

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Catholic Church Ordains a Married Man

There are always exceptions and rarely are they publicized.  Much better to show the defiance of the church and refusal to budge on issues than show exceptions.




Catholic church ordains married man


Tue Feb 22, 2011 11:43am EST


BERLIN (Reuters) - A married father of two was ordained as a priest by the Catholic Church in Germany on Tuesday after receiving an exemption to priestly celibacy from Pope Benedict XVI.

Harm Klueting, a theologian and former Protestant pastor, will not have to adhere to the Church's celibacy law for the duration of his marriage, the diocese of Cologne said.

The case sheds light on a little-known 60-year-old Roman Catholic church law that allows ordained clergy from other Christian faiths to become priests.

"This happens seldom but it's not unusual," diocese spokesman Christoph Heckeley said, adding that it is more usual in Scandinavia.

The 61-year-old converted to Catholicism in 2004 after which he served as a deacon and taught religious history at universities in Germany and Switzerland. He currently teaches at the University of Cologne where he will also serve as a priest.

Last year a married father of four was ordained as a priest in Regensburg, southern Germany.

Klueting's ordination comes as theologians and Catholic politicians in Germany have pressured the Vatican to end priestly celibacy and the German church struggles to overcome a wave of clerical sex abuse scandals and a priest shortages.

The Roman Catholic Church also launched its first ordinariate for disaffected Anglicans in England and Wales this year, which will see it take in bishops, priests and laity.

Five traditionalist Church of England bishops have applied to join the ordinariate, a Church subdivision retaining some Anglican traditions, and about 30 groups of parishioners are due to cross over, Church leaders told journalists.

It was not clear how many priests would convert in the move, prompted by traditionalist opposition to Church of England plans to ordain women bishops. Married Anglican priests will be accepted but married bishops cannot retain their higher status. The ordinariate, announced by Pope Benedict in 2009, allows those Anglicans opposed to women bishops, gay clergy and same-sex blessings to convert to Rome while keeping many of their traditions.





 
 
 
 
 
 
 
catholic

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Interesting Survey Results: Making Whoopee in India

I wonder what the answers would show if Americans took the poll??



The link to the poll/questionnaire and results, taken by Indians.




Outlook-Moods Sex Survey 2011


Making Whoopee!

The fling thing: Casual sex is taboo no more. A young nation gets all frisky and experimental between the sheets

 
A survey on casual sex in a year that brought cheating partners to prime-time TV and promiscuous pin-up stars (and presidents) to front-page headlines? It hit the spot alright, with 52.3 per cent respondents of the Outlook-Moods Sex Survey 2011 giving one-night stands no more than a what’s-the-big-deal shrug. More than half of those quizzed no longer blame it on drinks and drugs (or Rio); and far from worry or guilt, the morning-after feeling, it turns out, is overwhelmingly of pleasure.


Maximum City scores the most points for being best suited for flings, followed not so closely by Delhi and Goa. And while parties remain the usual suspects, social networking sites have become a virtual pleasure trove of no-strings-attached liaisons. Thankfully, it’s not so casual where it counts: 58 per cent play it safe and protected and only 1.2 per cent appear blissfully careless. But before you announce romps the new national pastime, here are some more numbers for you to do the math with: over 80 per cent respondents claim to have never had paid sex, nearly 70 per cent have never had a one-night stand and half of them say they were stopped from straying by shaadi and parivaar. It happens only in India?


******************************


There are two or three thoughts I believe worth noting.  Most of the answers would be reproduced anywhere else if given.  A couple are worth noting.

1) a significant number (above 90%) would not have sex with someone who was not of their race/ethnicity/religion.

And I thought Americans were racist.  One of the most diverse polyglot societies on earth today and the world thinks WE are racist.  I suppose it helps them feel better about themselves if they are using the US as a model of racism.  They can pretend they aren't.

2) If you found out your partner or spouse was having sex with someone else, what would you do?

I would think a significant number of responders would mention counseling, talking, breaking up ... few would mention, at least publicly - killing the person.  Except in India where 16.5 % would KILL the other person. 


Open, tolerant and very forgiving.  Just the sort of people I'd like to turn over control to.  I suppose it would be fine as long as they don't find out their wives prefer Americans.














india




 

Friday, November 5, 2010

Divorce and Marriage: American Style

They say 50% divorce.  They are wrong.  They say marriage is just a piece of paper that allows you to take the other person for granted - ask Susan Sarandon, she believed that, once.  Best hope - smile in your yearbook photo, don't have kids if you are not married, and wait until you are at least 26.   If you do, and you aren't Susan Sarandon, you stand a better chance.  You could also stack the odds a bit by ensuring you don't marry a stripper in Vegas.



So a bit of information that puts it in better form comes from the following source <--- click here.



According to the most recent statistics put forth by the CDC on Births, Marriages, Divorces, and Deaths: Provisional Data for 2009, the much-professed 50 percent divorce rate is inflated and outdated. In fact, there were only 3.4 divorces per 1000 people in 2009.


To break it down: there were 3.4 divorces per 1000 people in 2009 and 5.3 marriages per 1000 that same year. It's easy to assume because the number of divorces is about half the number of marriages that the 50 percent divorce rate holds, and that if you marry there's a 50 percent chance you'll divorce, but that'd be an inaccurate impression. These stats don't take into account how many people are already married or how many are on second, third or fifth divorces.

Besides, there are other factors that play a greater role in your marriage's chance of survival than that wishy-washy divorce rate. For example:

•The age at which you marry plays an important factor in whether or not you're likely to divorce. If you eliminated the divorce and marriage stats for those who've wed and/or divorced under the age of 25, for example, these numbers might look very different.


•Recent research shows that couples who have daughters are more likely to divorce than those who have sons.

•Couples who have kids out of wedlock are more likely to divorce than those who don't, according to a recent Australian study.

•One study found people who wore big smiles in their high school yearbooks were less likely to divorce than those who scowled.

So, yes, divorce still happens, but it's not nearly as common as we've come to believe. The trouble is, it's hard to find that golden divorce stat that we all really want: if I get married, what are the chances I'll get divorced? Some reports track the number of divorces each year, as the CDC has done. Others track the number of divorces in proportion to marriages during a certain time period. And others still evaluate random factors like the genders of kids and your yearbook photos. Tracking divorce comes down to a mishmash of wildly varied record-keeping, evaluation methods and, as with most human stats, inaccurate reporting. So, while this CDC number isn't the divorce statistic, it's certainly one to recognize.

"Till death do us part" ain't easy, but it's no reason to shy away from the challenge or throw in the towel. As the most recent data proves, divorce is not inevitable and marriages can and do work. Plus, studies shows that couples who do stick together—for better or for worse—are happier and healthier.





 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
marriage

Thursday, October 21, 2010

India: Not All Cultures are Worth Keeping

Curse of the Gujjar marriage

Oct 21, 2010, 12.01am IST
The Times of India


DHARWAD: In the marriage mandis of North Karnataka and Uttara Kannada, agents rule the roost, striking bargains with parents and selling innocence for hard cash. Here, women are a commodity and their price is fixed, depending on age and beauty.



It is called a Gujjar marriage, and is the first link to the booming trafficking racket in Gujarat, Maharashtra, Rajasthan and Uttar Pradesh. The victims are impoverished lower caste women, for who the marriage becomes the path to a brothel in Mumbai or North India.



Police say they are aware of this problem, but are unable to act because they receive no complaints and no complainants have come forward so far. Only human rights and NGO activists alert people to the issue.



Widely known as `Gujjar marriages' (also `Gurjara maduve' -- the word Gujjar here is not intended to refer to any community, but a practice, tradition and style of marriage) across North Karnataka and Uttara Kannada districts, impoverished girls, deserted women, widows and single women from lower castes are sold under the guise of marriage.



SHEETAL RETURNS HOME



Sheethal (name changed), 31, has just returned from Mumbai to her home in Bedasgaun in Mundgod in Karwar district. Belonging to a scheduled caste, she was sold to a 40-year-old man in Maharashtra in June 2009, she returned home two weeks ago after her husband deserted her.



Isabella S Xavier, founder member of Sadhana, women and children welfare society and District Human Rights Centre, Dharwad, said: " Gujjar marriage is just a `one-night' ceremony. The men, who hail from Gujarat or Rajasthan or UP, pay a certain amount to the girl's parents and get married overnight. The men bear all the expenses, including buying jewels for the bride. The next day, they take the girl away."



Pankaja K Kalmath, executive director and founder trustee of KIDS (Karnataka Integrated Development) Dharwad added: "In Gujjar marriages, only the bride's parents are present and none of the bride's relatives are invited. After that, no one is aware as to what happens to them."



Recalling her traumatic experience, Sheethal said: "I was cheated by a man in my village when I was 27 years old. I was three months pregnant. He promised to marry me only if I aborted the child. My family members took money from him and got my child aborted. He refused to marry me and absconded."



Promising to get her married off, her mother took her to Maharashtra. "In June 2009, my mother and an agent from Malagi village in Mundgod took me to Maharashtra. I don't know the name of the place, but I do remember that it was beyond Mumbai. I was married off without any expenses. My in-laws managed everything and gave a lot of jewels, which they claimed to be gold. Later, I was taken to a house where their mannerisms were taught for a month. There was a girl from Karnataka who taught me how to behave and work. My husband owns a provision store in Nasik," she said.



She added that the jewels she was given were all fake gold. "They lied to me saying the jewels were gold and silver," she said. However, she refused to reveal the name of her husband.



INJECTIONS AND ILL-HEALTH



Sheethal recounted that her husband used to give her a lot of tablets and injections. "They made me feel giddy and my health deteriorated slowly. I was unable to recover because of which my husband left me in his friend's house in another village. He said he would take me home after I recover. But he never returned. Even after making several calls, he refused to take me back, stating that I was very weak. I couldn't stay in his friend's house. Later, I went to Mumbai," she said.



Unaware that she was sold to him, she said: "I have seen many girls from my village who were married off like me. Their families were paid huge amounts, with which they bought lorries, and a few also built houses. I wanted to know how much my mother was paid. I kept asking her but she refused to tell me."



Deserted by her husband, she took shelter in Mumbai. "In Mumbai, there are many girls from my village who are deserted by their husbands. With their help, I started working in a shop. I make woollen hair bands and stay in the shop owner's house. He takes good care of me. I do all the household work and then work outside. I get Rs 2,000 per month. But my health condition worsened and my owner sent me home for a month," she said.



Her return to the village has only alerted the agents around. "One agent from a neighbouring village is constantly pestering me to get married. He said he would arrange another wedding if I give my consent. My family members want me to move out of the house as fast as possible fearing societal pressure. But I am not ready for another marriage," she said.



However, she believes that some day her husband will take her home. "I will once again try to call my husband and convince him to take me home. Otherwise, I have to find a job," she rues.



There are also women who refuse to go back to their husbands. Chandrakala (name changed) came to her village in Kyasankere in Mundgod for delivery. "She refused to go back home fearing physical harassment. She was married off four years ago at the age of 16 to a person in Pune. We don't know how much her parents were paid. But when she came for delivery, she complained that she was harassed every day. It has been one-and-half years since she came to the village," Renuka F Bhovi of Kyasankere village said.



Why are they termed `Gujjar marriages'?



Explaining the genesis of the name, Pankaja said many men come from Gujarat. "People started calling it `Gujjar marriages'. Though women are sold to men from Maharashtra and Rajasthan, this practice is known as Gujjar marriage," she said.















 
 
 
 
india

Sunday, August 15, 2010

"After my husband uses me, I feel tired"

I suppose these are the 1% who are low-life and uncivilized. 


Watch the video from Memritv.org Feminists are more concerned about how harmed they are in the US, and the need to have coed bathrooms to bring true equality ... they are pathetic.














women

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Marriage

Perhaps Judge Walker and or the WSJ writer of the previous article should peruse these random marriage facts -



63 Interesting Facts About . . .


Marriage

1.The term “marriage” derives from the Latin word mas meaning “male” or “masculine.” The earliest known use of the word in English dates from the thirteenth century.a

2.Due to jobs, kids, TV, the Internet, hobbies, and home and family responsibilities, the average married couple spends just four minutes a day alone together.g

3.The Talmud is very strict about banning extramarital sex—but also enforcing marital sex. The Talmud even lays out a timetable for how often husbands should “rejoice” their wives. For men of independent means, every day; for laborers, twice a week; for ass-drivers, once a week; for camel-drivers, once in 30 days; and for sailors, once in six months.e

4.Over 75% of people who marry partners from an affair eventually divorce.h

5.The Oneida colony established in New York in 1848 advocated “complex” or group marriage in which every woman was married to every man. They also practiced “scientific breeding” where parents where matched by a committee according to physical and mental health.e

6.Traditionally, bridesmaids would be dressed in similar bride-like gowns to confuse rival suitors, evil spirits, and robbers.b

7.Marrying younger than age 25 dramatically raises the divorce risk. Also, the divorce risk is higher when the woman is much older than the man, though the reverse isn’t as a strong factor.l

On average, married couples have sex 58 times per year

8.The average married couple has sex 58 times per year, or slightly more than once a week.g

9.At Italian weddings, it is not unusual for both the bride and groom to break a glass. The number of shards will be equal to the number of happy years the couple will have.b

10.The word “wife” is likely from the Proto-Indo-European root weip (“to turn, twist, wrap”) or ghwibh, which has a root meaning “shame” or “pudenda.”o

11.The word “husband” is from the Old Norse husbondi or “master of the house” (literally, hus “house” + bondi “householder, dweller”).i

12.Some scholars trace the word “bride” to the Proto-Indo-European root bru, “to cook, brew, make broth.”b

13.The term “groom” is from the Old English guma, meaning “man.”f

14.In three states—Arkansas, Utah, and Oklahoma—women tend to marry younger, at an average age of 24. Men’s average age is 26. In the northeastern states of New York, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts, men and women wait about four years longer to marry. The U.S. average age for women is 25.6 and for men, 27.7.n

15.A person’s level of education influences the age at which they marry. Couples tend to marry later in states with higher numbers of college-educated adults, while the opposite is true for states with lower education levels.n

16.Nevada, Maine, and Oklahoma have the highest percentage of divorced adults. Arkansas and Oklahoma have the highest rates of people who have been married at least three times.n

17.The probability of a first marriage ending in a divorce within 5 years is 20%, but the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking up within 5 years is 49%. After 10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33%, compared with 62% for cohabitations.g

18.Hammurabi’s Code (ca. 1790 B.C.), an ancient Babylonian law code, contains some of the oldest known and recorded marriage laws. These early laws defined marriage as a contract that paradoxically served to protect women and restrict them. According to the Code, a man could divorce his wife if she could not bear children or of she was a “gadabout” who humiliated her husband in public and neglected her house. Additionally, she could be “pitched” in a river if she committed adultery.g

19.Washington, D.C., has the lowest marriage rate in the nation.c

20.Approximately $6 billion in revenue is lost by American businesses as a result of decreased worker productivity linked to marriage hardship. Employees in a happy marriage, in contrast, tend to increase a company’s bottom line.g

The Great Recession has been one of the greatest strains on marriage in decades

21.CNN reports that the current economy is the biggest stress on married couples in the past 60 years.j

22.A New Woman’s Day and AOL Living poll found that 72% of women surveyed have considered leaving their husbands at some point.g

23.Married couples tend to have fatter waistlines, which can lead to a decrease in sexual attraction and general health. Additionally, a spouse’s chances of becoming obese increase by 37% if his or her partner is obese.g

24.A 2008 study found that marital satisfaction improves once children leave home. However, if marital problems existed before, an empty nest often reveals those otherwise masked issues.g

25.People whose marriage has broken down at the time they are diagnosed with cancer do not live as long as cancer patients who are widowed, have strong marriages, or who have never been married.k

26.In ancient Greece, Solon (638-538 B.C.) once contemplated making marriage compulsory, and in Athens under Pericles (495-429 B.C.), bachelors were excluded from certain public positions. In Sparta, single and childless men were treated with scorn. In ancient Rome, Augustus (63 B.C.-A.D. 14) passed drastic laws compelling people to marry and penalized those who remained single.m

27.A marriage ceremony typically ends with a kiss because in ancient Rome, a kiss was a legal bond that sealed contracts, and marriage was seen as a contract.b

28.Adults who are childhood cancer survivors are 20-25% less likely to marry compared with their siblings and the general American population.k

29.Stress associated with divorce affects the body’s immune system and its ability to fend off the disease. The health benefits of remarriage are reduced the second and third times around.g

30.Throughout most of history, marriage was not necessarily based on mutual love, but an institution devoted to acquiring in-laws and property and to provide the family additional labor forces (by having children).e

31.A white New Orleans man in the late nineteenth century transfused himself with blood from a black woman he loved so he could overcome anti-discrimination laws by claiming he was black and marry her.n

32.One nineteenth-century New York legislator insisted that letting married women own their own property attacked both God and Nature.

33.Just two years after marriage, an estimated 20% of couples make love fewer than 10 times in a year.g

34.One in three American marriages is “low sex” or “no sex.”g

35.The number of marriage therapists in the United States has increased 50-fold between 1970 and 1990.g

36.In the United States, over 50% of first marriages end in divorce, 67% of second marriages end in divorce, and nearly 74% of third marriages end in divorce.g

37.Marriage does more to promote life satisfaction than money, sex, or even children, say Wake Forest University psychologists.g

38.Compared to singles, married people accumulate about four times more savings and assets. Those who divorced had assets 77% lower than singles.g

39.Married elderly people are more likely to maintain daily health-promoting habits, such as exercising, not smoking, eating breakfast, and having regular medical check-ups.g

40.More than friendship, laughter, forgiveness, compatiblility, and sex, spouses name trust as the element crucial for a happy marriage.g

41.Eighty-one percent of happily married couples said their partner’s friends and family rarely interfered with the relationship, compared to just 38% of unhappy couples.g

42.Eighty-five percent of couples have had premarital sex.g

Nearly 60 percent of couples have had an affair, with most affairs occurring within the 25-39 age bracket

43.Nearly 60% of married adults have had at least one affair.g

44.The cost of an average wedding is $20,000. The cost of an average divorce is $20,000.g

45.Words form only 7% of our communication with anyone, including spouses. Tone of voice accounts for 38% and body language is responsible for 55% of the messages spouses receive from each other.g

46.Women who report a fair division of housework were happier in their marriages than women who thought their husbands didn’t do their fair share. Wives also spent more quality time with their husbands when they thought the housework was divided fairly.d

47.A 15-year-long study found that a person’s happiness level before marriage was the best predictor of happiness after marriage. In other words, marriage won’t automatically make one happy.d

48.Researchers found a huge decline in happiness four years into a marriage with another decline in years seven to eight. In fact, half of all divorces occur in the first seven years of marriage, which gives rise to the popular term “the seven-year itch.”d

49.More than two in five Catholics marry outside their church, twice as many as in the 1960s. There are at least one million Jewish-Christian marriages in the U.S. Two in five Muslims in America have chosen non-Muslim spouses.d

50.Married people are twice as likely to go to church as unmarried people.g

51.Half of emotional affairs become sexual affairs.g

52.While couples with children are less likely to divorce than childless couples, the arrival of a new baby is more likely to bring more stress and emotional distance than new happiness. Nearly 90% of couples experienced decrease in martial satisfaction after the birth of their first child.g

53.Over 40% of married couples in the U.S. include at least one spouse who has been married before. As many as 60% of divorced women and men will marry again, many within just five years.g

Birth order is an important factor in determining the success of a marriage

54.Birth order can influence whether a marriage succeeds or fails. The most successful marriages are those where the oldest sister of brothers marries the youngest brother of sisters. Two firstborns, however, tend to be more aggressive and can create higher levels of tension. The highest divorce rates are when an only child marries another only child.j

55.The number of men and women age 65 and older cohabiting outside of marriage nearly doubled between 1990 and 2000.g

56.Because Virginia law required an ex-slave to leave the state once freed, one freed woman petitioned the legislature in 1815 to become a slave again so she could stay married to her still-enslaved husband.e

57.For many centuries, the Catholic Church argued that contraception was a sin and made the wife no better “than a harlot.” Up until 1930, many Protestant churches agreed.e

58.One seventeenth-century Massachusetts husband was put in stocks alongside his adulterous wife and her lover because the community reasoned she wouldn’t have strayed if her husband had been fulfilling is marital obligations.e

59.Research points to certain characteristics that are most often linked to infidelity, such as being raised in a family where having affairs is considered normal, having a personality that values excitement and risk taking over marital stability, having coworkers and friends who believe affairs are acceptable, and feeling emotionally distant from one’s spouse.l

60.No sex in a marriage has a much more powerful negative impact on a marriage than good sex has a positive impact.d

61.Modern Western marriage traditions have long been shaped by Roman, Hebrew, and Germanic cultures as well as by doctrines and traditions of the Medieval Christian church, the Protestant Reformation, and the Industrial Revolution.a

62.Levirate marriage, where a man is obligated to marry his brother’s widow if she had no sons to care for her, is sometimes required in the Bible (as in Deuteronomy) and sometimes prohibited (as in Leviticus).e

63.The first recorded mention of same-sex marriage occurs in Ancient Rome and seems to have occurred without too much debate until Christianity became the official religion. In 1989, Denmark was the first post-Christianity nation to legally recognize same-sex marriage.a

-- Posted November 18, 2009


References

a Boswell, John. 1995. Same-Sex Unions in Pre-Modern Europe. New York, NY: Random House.

b Bride’s Book of Etiquette. 2002. New York, NY: Perigee Books.

c Connolly, Katie. “Why So Few D.C. Residents Are Married.” Newsweek.com. October 20, 2009. Accessed: October 28, 2009.

d Gottman, John M. and Julie Schwartz Gottman. 2006. 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage. New York, NY: Three Rivers Press.

e Graff, E.J. 1999. What Is Marriage For: The Strange Social History of Our Most Intimate Institution. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.

f “Groom.” Online Etymological Dictionary. Accessed: October 27, 2009.

g Harrar, Sari and Rita DeMaria. 2007. The 7 Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy, and Passion. Pleasantville, NY: Reader’s Digest Books.

h Hein, Holly. Sexual Detours: Infidelity and Intimacy at the Crossroads. 2000. New York, NY: St. Martin's Press.

i “Husband.” Online Etymological Dictionary. Accessed: October 27, 2009.

j Mannes, George. “Is the Economy Ruining Your Marriage?” CNN.com. August 21, 2009. Accessed: October 27, 2009.

k Moore, Matthew. “Divorce Damages Your Health—and Getting Remarried Barely Helps.” Telegraph.co.uk. July 27, 2009. Accessed: October 28, 2009.

l Neal, Rome. “Signs of Divorce Ahead?: New Study Tries to Predict Which Marriages Will Last.” CBSNEWS.com. August 7, 2002. Accessed: October 29, 2009.

m Squire, Susan. 2008. I Don’t: A Contrarian History of Marriage. New York, NY: Bloomsbury Press.

n “Where You Live May Affect When You Get Married.” CNN.com. October 20, 2009. Accessed: October 28, 2009.

o “Wife.” Online Etymological Dictionary. Accessed: October 27, 2009.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
marriage

Saturday, June 26, 2010

The Fantasy of the 50% Divorce Rate

Opinion: Al and Tipper and the 'Good Divorce' Myth



AOL News (June 15) -- The separation of Al and Tipper Gore after 40 years as husband and wife produced a flood of commentary concerning what's purportedly impossible, and possible, in modern marriage.

According to rapidly calcifying conventional wisdom, the Gore breakup shows it's impossible to uphold the old ideal of "til death do us part," while their dignity and discretion demonstrate the real possibility of a "good divorce."

Actually, both conclusions contradict reality.

Statistics show that loving, lifetime marriage isn't just possible, it's prevalent. And common sense and sad experience expose the notion of the good divorce as a destructive myth, since the end of every marriage brings pain, problems and damage to society.

Concerning assumptions that marriages all go stale or sour over time, The New York Times recently reported a major study by neuroscientists at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who monitored brain function in long-term couples to check survivability of romantic love. To their surprise, a full 40 percent of these veteran partners showed intensely romantic neural reactions to each other, resembling the excitement of newly formed relationships. The other 60 percent displayed less spark and heat, but most of them still expressed satisfaction with their spouses, reflecting frequent surveys showing 75 percent of couples registering high contentment levels.

Why, then, do 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce?

The simple answer is, they don't. The 50 percent divorce rate is a pernicious myth that's never been true and grossly misstates the current situation. The divorce rate (measured as number of divorces per population) peaked in 1981 and has gone down dramatically ever since.

Rates of marital failure remain notoriously hard to gauge since no one knows which current marriages will last and which will fail. But the Census Bureau still provides the most authoritative information, listing in the latest available data (2004) the percentage of American adults who've ever married (72 percent) and the percentage ever divorced (22 percent). This means that 70 percent of those who ever married remain with their first spouse, or stayed in that first marriage until the spouse died.

While loving, lasting marriages are, in fact, common, "good divorces" are not. There's an elusive ideal of the amiable, painless dissolution of a dysfunctional relationship that every separating couple says they want but very few actually achieve.

Al and Tipper, for example, may display no public signs of strife, but their broken relationship is already connected to real-world damage: Shortly after they announced their separation, their daughter, Karenna Gore Schiff, announced her own breakup from her husband of 13 years. Failed marriages produce children themselves more likely to divorce, and though causation may be arguable, correlation is not.

My own family exemplifies that reality: My late parents split after 28 years of marriage, and three of their four sons (including me) have also experienced marital breakup.

In my case, I worked closely with my ex-wife to make our divorce as painless as possible. We had no children, and our assets were modest enough to avoid big fights over money. Still, our separation brought discomfort and sadness to everyone we knew, and we failed in our determination to maintain a long-term "friendship."

I've been married to my wife, Diane (the mother of our three children), for 25 years now, and I've had no contact at all with my ex (who's also remarried) for at least 15 years --- other than the wistful exchange of condolence notes at the death of our respective fathers.

Not every divorce must become a nightmare, but they all bring some sense of failure and they all cost money. Aside from legal bills, there's the added expense of setting up two separate households to replace one, plus unavoidable awkwardness at holidays, birthdays or other family occasions.

No one has written better about the "ruinous ripples" of divorce than my wife, Dr. Diane Medved, in her 1990 best seller, "The Case Against Divorce." Those closest to the couple feel the impact most -- particularly children and parents, who often see the abrupt end of relationships they once valued. The negativity spreads from there, affecting friends (perplexed by conflicted loyalties), communities (divorces can devastate a church, for instance) and society at large, with costs in lost savings, stability and even health.

The problem with platitudes about the good divorce is that they inevitably encourage marital breakup, just as the myth that most marriages are bound to fail discourages wedlock.

If we kept the situation in honest perspective, high-profile separations like Al and Tipper's shouldn't reassure potentially divorcing couples, or in any way alarm the American majority who strive to sustain their long-term marriages.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
divorce

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Divorce: Bad for the Planet

So now you can say you are staying together for the children and the planet.



Divorce pains the planet

by Elsa Wenzel
December 3, 2007 10:30 PM PST


As if the burden of divorce weren't bad enough, people with failed marriages can be blamed for global warming, according to a study by Michigan State University.

Divorced couples use up more space in their respective homes, which amounts to to 38 million more rooms worldwide to light, heat and cool, noted the report.



And people who divorced used 73 billion kilowatt-hours more of electricity and 627 billion gallons of water than they would otherwise in 2005.

Dissolving a marriage also means doubling possessions, from the lowly can opener to the SUV. The report, however, did not estimate how many more natural resources the children of shared-custody parents consume by getting birthday and holiday gifts twice.

Nor did it count the greenhouse gases spent to shuttle kids between their pair of energy-hogging households. (Tip for carbon offsetting services: the domain name OffsetMyDivorce.com is available.).

The research suggests that singletons who shack up with someone again can undo the ecological damage. Although it might be inferred that "living in sin" is also eco-friendly, the findings did not necessarily endorse the practice of unmarried couples living together.

Rates of divorce are rising around the world, while dropping in North America along with those of marriage, according to the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University.

Divorce ends 46 percent of marriages in the United States, the seventh highest rate in the world, according to Divorce Magazine. The top world record is held by Sweden, where 55 percent of marriages end by divorce. On the other end is Guatemala, with a mere .13 percent divorce rate.

The study was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences and funded partly by the National Institutes of Health.















global warming

Monday, April 26, 2010

Goodbye MANkind, you proved useful once, but now, an inconvenience at best.  All the wars, anguish, suffering you put the world through - all the machismo, hitting, whacking, kicking, fighting, and otherwise unnecessary physical activity ... your time has come.  The rest of Earth will be just fine without you.  Science has seen to that. 





Out for the count: Why levels of sperm in men are falling



Levels of 'viable' sperm in human males are falling – and scientists believe they now understand the cause. Infertility can begin in the womb, says Steve Connor




Monday, 26 April 2010
The Independent


If scientists from Mars were to study the human male's reproductive system they would probably conclude that he is destined for rapid extinction. Compared to other mammals, humans produce relatively low numbers of viable sperm – sperm capable of making that long competitive swim to penetrate an unfertilised egg.

As many as one in five healthy young men between the ages of 18 and 25 produce abnormal sperm counts. Even the sperm they do produce is often of poor quality. In fact only between 5 and 15 per cent of their sperm is, on average, good enough to be classed as "normal" under strict World Health Organisation rules – and these are young, healthy men. By contrast, more than 90 per cent of the sperm of a domestic bull or ram, or even laboratory rat, are normal.

Human males also suffer a disproportionately high incidence of reproductive problems, from congenital defects and undescended testes to cancer and impotency. As these also affect fertility, it's a minor miracle men are able to sire any children at all. In fact, an increasing number of men are finding themselves childless. Among the one in seven couples now classed as infertile, the "male factor" has been found to be the most commonly identified cause.

Next year marks the 20th anniversary of the WHO conference where a Danish scientist first alerted the world to the fact that Western men are suffering an infertility crisis. Professor Niels Skakkebaek of the University of Copenhagen presented data indicating sperm counts had fallen by about a half over the past 50 years. Sperm counts in the 1940s were typically well above 100m sperm cells per millilitre, but Professor Skakkebaek found they have dropped to an average of about 60m per ml. Other studies found that between 15 and 20 per cent of young men now find themselves with sperm counts of less than 20m per ml, which is technically defined as abnormal. In contrast, a dairy bull has a viable sperm count in the billions.

Experts in human reproductive biology were astonished by the Danish study. The declining trend seemed to indicate that men were on a path to becoming completely infertile within a few generations (although recent studies suggest the fall in sperm counts may have bottomed out). Professor Skakkebaek could offer no explanation for the trend other than to suggest that the fall may have something to do with the equally alarming rise in other reproductive disorders, such as cancer of the testes and cryptorchidism, the incomplete descent of the testes into the scrotum.

Experts began to talk of a new phenomenon affecting the human male, a collection of disorders known as testicular dysgenesis syndrome. They wanted to know what was causing it, because the changes were occurring too quickly to be a result of genetics. It must have something to with changing lifestyles or the environment of men, and almost everything was suggested, from exposure to chemical pollutants to the modern fashion for tight underpants. There is now an emerging consensus among some experts that whatever it is that is exacerbating the problems of male infertility, it probably starts in the womb. It is not the lifestyle of men that is problem, but that of their mothers.

The process of sperm production, called spermatogenesis, starts in adolescence, but the groundwork is laid down in the few months before and immediately after birth. An increasing number of studies point to a crucial "window" of testicular development that begins in the growing foetus and ends in the first six months of life. Interfere with this critical developmental period, and a baby boy will suffer the lifetime consequences of being a suboptimally fertile man.

So are we anywhere nearer to finding an explanation for why are so many more men today are suffering from reproductive problems?

"It's most likely a reflection of the fact that many environmental and lifestyle changes over the past 50 years are inherently detrimental to sperm production," says Professor Richard Sharpe, fertility research expert at the Medical Research Council. "It may be that different factors come together to have a combined effect." A number of studies point to a connection between early development in the womb and male reproductive problems in later life, especially low sperm counts. For example, men whose pregnant mothers were exposed to high levels of toxic dioxins as a result of the 1976 industrial accident in Seveso, Italy have been found to have lower-than-average sperm counts. But men exposed to dioxins in adulthood showed no such effect. Another study found women who ate large amounts of beef during pregnancy, a diet rich in potentially damaging chemicals called polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAHs), had sons with relatively low sperm counts. But eating beef as an adult man shows no similar impact.

Meanwhile, studies of migrants between Sweden and Finland, showed that a man's lifetime risk of testicular cancer tends to follow the country he was born in rather than the country where he was brought up. It was his mother's environment when she was pregnant with him, rather than his own as a boy or as an adolescent, that seems to have largely determined a man's risk of testicular cancer.

One of the strongest pieces of evidence in support of this idea comes from studies of people who smoke. A man who smokes typically reduces his sperm count by a modest 15 per cent or so, which is probably reversible if he quits. However, a man whose mother smoked during pregnancy has a fairly dramatic decrease in sperm counts of up to 40 per cent – which also tends to be irreversible.

Professor Sharpe said such findings can be explained by understanding how the first cells of the testes form. Sertoli cells, which in the adult act as guardians for the development of sperm cells, are the very first cells to form from a "genital ridge" of the human male foetus. The number of sperm that can be produced in an adult man is critically dependent on the number of Sertoli cells that develop in his foetus, so anything that interferes with the formation of Sertoli cells in a mother's womb will affect sperm production many years later. "Maternal-lifestyle factors in pregnancy can have quite substantial effects on sperm counts in sons in adulthood, and the most logical mechanism by which this could occur is via reducing the number of Sertoli cells," Professor Sharpe says.

But the key question now is to identify the relevant lifestyle and environmental factors.

This is proving tricky. Obesity, for instance, is a growing problem and it has been linked with reproductive problems in both men and women. One study has also indicated that overweight pregnant women tend to produce sons with poor semen quality. But is it being fat that is the cause, or the environmental chemicals stored in fat?

There has been a lot of interest in chemicals in the environment, especially those that can either mimic female sex hormones – oestrogenic chemicals – or block male sex hormones, specifically testosterone which plays a critical role in stimulating the development of Sertoli cells in the womb. So far, the Seveso study provides the clearest link between human foetal development, low sperm counts and prenatal exposure to an environmental chemical. But the dioxin concentrations from this industrial accident were exceptionally high.

It is more difficult trying to establish a similar, significant link between male reproductive problems and exposure to low concentrations of the many other environmental chemicals that may have weak oestrogenic or androgen-blocking properties, including substances as wide-ranging as pesticides, traffic fumes, plastics and even soya beans. Professor Sharpe says that much of the evidence to date is weak or non-existent.

"Public concern about the adverse effects of environmental chemicals on spermatogenesis in adult men are, in general, not supported by the available data for humans. Where adverse effects of environmental chemicals have been shown, they are usually in an occupational setting rather than applying to the general population," he says.

So although scientists are closing in on the critical window of foetal development in the womb that determines a man's fertility status in later life, they are still not sure about what it is that could be affecting this change in his reproductive status. But one thing is clear, it is his mother who almost certainly holds the key.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
humankind

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Family and Marriage

Married parents 'ten times more likely to stay together'



By Sarah Harris
19th February 2010
The Daily Mail



Married parents are ten times more likely to stay together than cohabiting couples with children, according to research.


The study also showed cohabiting has become a less stable form of relationship compared with 18 years ago, with couples more likely to separate.

Figures show that in 1992, 70 per cent of couples who had children after they were married stayed together until their child's 16th birthday.

This increased to 75 per cent in 2006, showing that marriage has become a more stable family background for youngsters.

However, only 36 per cent of cohabiting parents stayed together until their son or daughter reached 16 in 1992. By 2006, just 7 per cent of couples who were unmarried when their child was born were still cohabiting by their 16th birthday.

This figure excludes those couples who were just living together when their child was born and later got married.

Around three in five couples who stop cohabiting decide to marry. Of these just 17 per cent are still together by the time their child is 16, the report says.

The study, Cohabitation in the 21st Century, from Christian thinktank the Jubilee Centre also shows that the cost of family breakdown is £41.7billion - equivalent to £1,350 for every taxpayer each year.

It claims these costs will rise 'significantly' over the next 25 years. Its analysis was based on almost 30,000 family cases drawn from a nationwide survey.

It shows that fewer than one in 19 of all couples who live together (5.3 per cent) have been together for ten years or more.

The study also suggests cohabitation does not serve as a trial marriage or reduce the odds of divorce.

Never-married couples who live together before tying the knot are 60 per cent more likely to divorce than those who do not. Dr John Hayward, director of the Jubilee

Centre, said: 'All the evidence suggests that families headed by married, biological parents who have not previously lived together provide the best environment for both the individuals involved and their children.

'This has huge personal, social, economic and political consequences for us all.'

Fellow researcher Dr Guy Brandon added: 'The cost of family breakdown to society, whether parents have cohabited or married, is enormous.

'Besides the emotional cost, which inevitably has an impact on mental health and economic productivity, the direct costs are estimated at £41.7billion each year - the equivalent of £1,350 per taxpayer per year.

'Given the projected rise in cohabiting couples in England and Wales from 2.25million to 3.7million in the next 20 years, and the clear link between cohabitation and family breakdown, it is fair to expect these costs to rise significantly in coming years.'

In July 2007, the Law Commission published a report highlighting the financial implications for couples who cohabit and then separate.

It suggested rights on separation or death for couples without children who have lived together for at least two years.

The Government has yet to publish its final response to the report.

However, the Lords introduced the Cohabitation Bill in December 2008. It was designed to ensure basic legal rights for cohabiting couples in the event of separation or death.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
marriage

Make Mine Freedom - 1948


American Form of Government

Who's on First? Certainly isn't the Euro.