Friday, November 11, 2016

Dear Everyone -

          I know it is a difficult time for many of you.  I understand your feelings and the need to emote.  I would hope you are able to locate a safe zone with plenty of warm blankets and teddy bears, videos of kittens and puppies, with warm, soft music in the background.  Perhaps Play-Doh and coloring books, therapy dogs, or an arts and crafts session to help you manage your emotions.  Maybe a good cry-in is the answer - Cornell thinks so.  I hope that no one uses words, unless they are measured and useful, kind and caring, and plenty of reusable tissue drip/dry type rags so that you can blow your noses and wipe those puffy red eyes.

           On behalf of everyone else, I want to wish you the best, and tell you that everything will be okay.  The sun will come out tomorrow, even if some of you believe the end of times are upon us - they can't be - you're not religious and that is strictly a religious opinion.  I understand you probably meant the end of times due to global warming, or the sudden implosion of the planet after such an unexpected victory by such a loud-mouth boor.   I know how you feel, those polls really did a number on us, didn't they.  The pollsters and media types really believed us when they asked us who we would vote for.  We lied.  60 million people lied.  I know that is hard for you folks to understand, how half of America can be such pathological liars, considering you believe in honesty and truth.  This makes it even harder, I know.  Use another reusable tissue now.  Wipe those tears, blow the nose.

            We did lie about who we were going to vote for.  I remember being asked by a polling service in a mall if I had 5 minutes.  I read a brief 5 sentence blurb about the sexist, misogynistic Trump or Hillary Clinton and which one would I vote for ... I lied.  Who wants to admit they would vote for a sexist, hate-spewing, vulgar, misogynistic asshole over a kind and caring, qualified woman like Hillary.  I wanted to cry when I left the alcove where they held court that day in the mall.  I needed a reusable tissue.  I couldn't help but wonder how I could lie to them, until it came to me.  I loathed them and their petty little minded effort to sway voters by their poll.  Then I smiled.  They were the liars.  I was simply responding to their lies, with lies.

          I am sorry now, that 60 million of us lied and you really believed the polls which made election night even more devastating.  You could not understand or believe how it could happen.  The deplorable, hate-filled, war-mongering, misogynistic, uneducated, dumb redneck, illiterate, sexist, vulgar voters just didn't feel like telling the truth after you described us all so well, we felt bad.  Why should we, many of us voted for Obama once and some of those racists voted for Barack Hussein Obama twice.  All 60 million of us didn't owe you anything after you called us out on how bad we were - even if you are the honest, unbiased, enlightened, educated, non-discriminating, non-judgmental equal majority.  Sorry to have tricked you.  I know ... time to get the reusable tissue again.  Sorry.

             Please don't cry.  Michael Moore has a plan.  To boot out the DNC and have Progressives take over.  This should give you all something to work on.  It will require you calling in all your renegade comrades from the streets, freeways, and wherever else they are burning and smashing windows and stealing cars, and get them to work on new progressive plans.  You will be in a safe zone when you are all working together for our common good.  I know you have tried for 8 years to help the country, and all Americans.  To make everyone feel included in your safe zones.  You tried.  It was our fault we felt marginalized and ignored, attacked, criticized, and taxed without question or mercy - we didn't understand that you were just trying to make it all better.  That is probably because we are deplorable, hate-filled, war-mongering, misogynistic, uneducated, dumb redneck, illiterate, sexist, vulgar Americans.I am so sorry for not understanding your best intentions.  It must have been all 60 million of us who missed the email on why all this was being done.  Perhaps Barack H. Obama missed that memo from Hillary, to let us all know.  My bad.

              I commend you on coming up with a plan of action, but you should pull in your comrades from the freeways.  They are acting like Trump deplorables .... stopping cars, demanding to know who the driver voted for, pulling people from their cars if they have Trump stickers, taking their vehicles, beating their fellow citizens on the freeway ... you know how Trump people are, so violent.  That woman in Hollywood who sat on Trump's star - what a nasty witch not letting Hillary supporters desecrate the star again. She brought it on herself to get kicked and have her signs ripped up and thrown at her.  Anyone would have done the same.   Smashing Trump political headquarters, smashing property on Trump properties, blocking commerce and creating fear among fellow citizens who are entering or exiting the buildings.  It's understandable.  In any election, the losers always do that.

           Everything will be okay.  I promise.  Take that Progressive agenda and push it.  I'm sure the American people really want a socialist platform of changes and benefits.  I know that a majority of the 60 million want nothing more than to pay more taxes to help you and your fellow comrades.  It is going to be hard to hear the words 'President Trump' ... but we had 8 years of President Barack H Obama.  America managed.  We managed despite the fact Obama didn't diminish or stop the intelligence services ... rather he expanded mass surveillance to justify drone kill lists.  He not only retained the controversial Bush policies, he expanded on them.I know that must have been hard for you to not riot in the streets.  I remember when Bush was president and he began these baby steps toward more surveillance, so many of the progressive comrade types protested and rioted and burned and plundered to show their opposition.  It must have been hard to keep from slitting your wrists when Obama expanded on everything Bush did, and then institutionalized it.  I'm sorry.  Another reusable tissue!  : (   Under Hillary she surely would have stopped all that unconstitutional behavior ... except she made that funny about 'droning' Assange.  I thought it was funny, in light of the super secret surveillance programs we have.

          In humor or sadness and despair, people can say a lot of things - like drone Assange ... but you should really cut back on the violations of 18 US 871.  Please.  I know, some of the deplorable, vulgar, racist, sexist types made a couple statements about Obama that violated 18 US 871, there have been hundreds of these statements in the last three days from your fellow comrades who I know are just upset, because they are all so open-minded, tolerant, and peaceful types.  They all needed safe spaces these last few days, to feel safe, but at the same time want to assassinate Trump and his entire family.  They would never have made those statements against Obama, even as he was ratcheting up surveillance and over-reaching constitutional authority on so many issues ... none of you once showed a concern.  Now you are concerned about the unknown.  Please don't be.  Remember when you were a child and your parents looked under your bed when you woke up screaming that Trump was under the bed groping you.  They checked.  He wasn't.  It's the same.  You will all be fine.  I heard about this one Hollywood actor who was so distraught over the election he was buying coffee at Starbucks and just couldn't wait until he got home to his long-time girlfriend, he had to go in the bathroom with a barista for a blowjob.  He was so distraught that a sexist, chauvinist, deplorable won.  After all, he had stood up publicly for Hillary and women ... so he was very sad.  You just want to give him a hug and tell him it will be okay.  He doesn't need to go into bathrooms and get bj's to feel better.  I feel so terrible for all my lying.  Look what we have all done.

           Please take a breath.  Trump will begin the process of rebuilding our infrastructure, he will put millions back to work, and will revamp our medical care plans to include all Americans who cannot afford health care.  He will make an effort at dealing with the immigration issues, and he will stand up to Russia and China.  He will do those things.  He will rip up almost every single Executive Order Obama signed.  A lot of ripping I know, but he can do it.  He will restore our respect around the world.  The world may not want to hug us, but they will respect us, and that is more important than liking.  I know that is an alien concept to you given your desire for a safe zone and hugs and kitties and soft music, but he will do all those things, and I promise he will not drone Assange.  He will cut taxes and make it possible to give more to the poor and needy, and things will slowly get better.  I promise.  All of these actions will make it a little better for you in 5 years when you decide to enter the adult world.  It takes time, no actions make change over-night.  Just think, maybe Chelsea will rise up politically, and we can look into her spending habits using foundation funds for her wedding and her 2 million dollar salary and god knows what else.

Things will get better, the sun will come out tomorrow.  After all, the 60 million deplorables promise they will not riot, beat people, burn cars, lay in the streets when they lose.  They promise to keep working and being the silent equal majority.

Good luck.

A Remorseful Liar

Make Mine Freedom - 1948

American Form of Government

Who's on First? Certainly isn't the Euro.